Last week, I attended a training for supervisors—those who guide students and psychologists working towards full licensure. The goal was to teach supervisors how to avoid mistakes and work effectively with students. It turned out that, alongside the benefits, there are many hidden “dark sides” of supervision that can become pitfalls for supervisors. These challenges made me reflect on our journey as parents and the hidden, difficult aspects of parenting.

Recognizing that there are dark sides to parenting doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us; it’s simply part of the human experience that helps us understand ourselves and our children better.

We can talk all day about how wonderful and rewarding it is to be a parent, but it doesn’t change the fact that the responsibility rests 100% on you. Responsibility means making decisions—every day, every hour.

Did I do the right thing?
Did I hurt my child?
Could I have done better or worse?

And if others point out (kindly or otherwise) that we’ve made a mistake, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by guilt and responsibility.

It’s uncomfortable to talk about, let alone admit out loud, but children, despite all our love for them, can be exhausting, inconvenient, and can drive us to the edge. It’s hard to hold two opposite concepts—“my child is happiness” and “I can’t stand my child right now”. As a result, we often suppress these negative feelings and lock them away in the attic of our minds.

Having these uncomfortable feelings does NOT make you a bad parent—it makes you a human being who understands that this is simply part of the parent life.

Do you know what many moms turn to as a way to restore their energy? Food. Why? Because it’s within reach, provides instant relief, and gives you the strength to keep going. Parenting is a routine that focuses on meeting the child’s needs. The first year is especially tough—both the child and the parent are just trying to survive. It’s no coincidence that there’s a merging of identities; instead of “the baby ate,” it becomes “we pooped,” “we ate,” “we slept.” The parent loses their individual identity and connection with the outside world.

And finally, seeing all the Insta-moms flaunting their “perfect lives” makes me want to hire them to spend a few days with my child. Sure, there are those who share the reality of parenting—unwashed, unbrushed, and exhausted. But even that can feel overdone. What I really want to see is a balance, a way to manage it all.

The dark side of parenting doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you human.

Recognizing that parenting can be both light and dark can help you avoid feeling lost when you find yourself adrift.

Hubert, S., & Aujoulat, I. (2018). Parental burnout: When exhausted mothers open up. Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 1021. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6028779/