Rita Motta
MSW, RSW

SHE/HER

REGISTERED SOCIAL WORKER

QUALITIES

Rita Motta is a child therapist
at Kids Reconnect in Calgary.
She uses her counselling Superpowers
to connect with kids and teens,
helping them grow a ton
while having lots of FUN!

Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Rita who found herself getting into Terrible Trouble quite a bit. This is her Superhero Story, and it’s a Mystery Story, too!

Join in as we figure out this mystery together, playing Feelings Detective and asking gentle, curious, kind questions.

The first question is this.

The kind that gives two-year-olds a bad reputation. So it’s not really THAT terrible, but in the moment, it sure FEELS pretty terrible to a kid.

No! She was a “Big Girl Now” (five, going on six!). She was smart, funny, pretty, and kind, but when this story starts, Rita was struggling to share her toys, to play by the rules, and to feel and be understood.

What do you think? You guessed it!

NO – of course not. Rita was NOT terrible at all. She was lovely!

Rita loved to play, and her favourite toy was Lucy, a lovely teddy bear. Lucy was always soft and snuggly. If she was sad or worried, Lucy listened to Rita with care. If she cried, she helped her feel better. Lucy was Rita’s kindest friend.

So if Rita was not a terrible child, something else was up. A more helpful question a Feelings Detective might ask would be:

Well, Rita always wanted things to go her own way. So you see, if she heard someone say “no” that filled her heart with misery.

• Let’s say, she wanted to play, all day and night. (But she wasn’t allowed).
• She wanted to have many friends. (But she did not like to share her toys).
• Rita wanted cookies and sweets all the time. (But not as special treats; she wanted only cookies or breakfast, lunch, and dinner).
• She wanted rainbows and sunshine every day, and summer vacations all year. (But we all know that’s not what weather is like in Calgary, Edmonton or anywhere in Alberta!)

Of course, things did not always go her way. Grown-ups would tell Rita things like:

• “No more cookies. No more playtime; it’s bedtime,” her parents would say.
• “It’s too cold to go outside for recess today,” her teacher would say.
• “I don’t want to play with you anymore,” the neighbourhood kids would say.

In Rita’s broken heart, she was hearing something a bit different. Here is what she was hearing in her heart:

• “You don’t DESERVE a cookie,” she’d hear.
• “You don’t DESERVE playtime.”
• “I am TAKING AWAY your teddy bear FOREVER I will never give it back.”
• “You’re now allowed to do this. No, you can’t do that. No, no, no, no.”

In her heart, those words hurt. They felt like storms and unfair Grown-Up Rules that blew fun away. Then she’d pout, with a scowl and a frown, feeling her whole wide world tumbling down. So she would protest by crying out for all the world to hear:

“WAAAAAAH!”

—and she would run, upstairs to her room, to the garden, or out to the school yard..

That behaviour got her in trouble at school and at home. Rita started to feel that everyone was against her. When she was in time-outs, she started to wonder if something was wrong with her; that maybe nobody liked her.

Her hurt, broken heart did not know what to say when her parents and teachers asked what was going on. She didn’t know what to say or what to do. So instead of staying still and being chill, listening and asking questions, she would yell.

“WAAAAAAH!”

—and then she would run out of the room.

Grown-ups around Rita started to lose patience. They would say things to her like:

• “Stop “acting out” Rita – on the count of three!”
• “Go to your room, young lady. You are being difficult. ”
• “Rita, that is not okay! That is very bad.”

When she heard those things, Rita felt Tricky Big Feelings even more deeply. She did not know Grown-Up Words that she could say in her Inside Voice to express her feelings, but she sure could feel some Tricky Big Feelings. It was a mix of feelings: sad, angry, disappointed, indignant, frustrated, and misunderstood. Overwhelmed. She felt lonely, like she had nobody to talk to, except her teddy bear Lucy.

So now that we understand what was happening, let’s ask another helpful question.

Something deeper was going on in her heart. Her parents didn’t know what it was, and Rita didn’t know, either. Something was going on for Rita. Those Tricky Big Feelings were a clue. Rita was not just randomly “acting out”, out of the blue.

So her parents took her to meet a Feelings Detective to figure out her feelings.

Rita was excited (and a little scared, to be honest) to meet a Feelings Detective. Her parents explained that they are also called Feelings Helpers, and grown-ups call them Child Therapists or Child Psychologists.

At first, Rita felt a little bit shy, but soon she discovered that she didn’t have to talk a lot or use lots of difficult Grown-up Words. She was allowed to bring her teddy bear Lucy with her, too. Together, they figured out lots of things, playing in a playroom!

The Feelings Detective and Rita used puppets, dolls, games, and Lucy came along to play as well. They also did art therapy, using paint, slime, clay, and glue. And that’s not all. They did sand tray therapy using mini-figures, sparkly gems, little trees, and toy people. Rita’s teddy bear Lucy played with other toy animals, too. It was like a tiny toy zoo

The very kind Feelings Helper discovered that Rita’s heart held tricky big feelings, deep and unseen. Rita wasn’t terrible, selfish, or difficult. She was just finding it hard to let some things go because she was scared to lose Lucy if she shared her or any of her toys.

You see, long ago, Rita felt quite alone, and she thought sharing her toys meant losing what she called her own. To give up her lovely teddy bear Lucy? (No WAAAAAAAy.!) So when she was asked to share Lucy, Rita was scared to lose her best friend. She tried to hold tight to what felt secure. Her feelings were big, but her skills and Superpowers were quite small, She didn’t know the Grown-Up Words for those Tricky Big Feelings at all yet, or how to express them in helpful ways, to understand others and to be understood. The kind Feelings Helper helped her figure out all the Terrible Trouble.

She learned how to feel her feelings in kind, curious, gentle ways. That a “no” was not the end of her fun. It was part of life’s dance. Some days are snowy, and sometimes we get sun.

She discovered that she could not always get what she wanted, but that was okay. Behind every challenge, there’s space to explore. There are always fun new ways to grow – it’s just like a game.

After some time doing play therapy, art therapy, and sand tray therapy, Rita felt so much better. She learned how to explain things, to listen, and ask questions. As she grew, she got better and better at noticing big feelings (hers, and those of others, too).

Behind the troubles, there is always a Superpower, waiting to be discovered so it can grow bigger and stronger. So in this story, Rita also figured out how to use one of her amazing Superpowers. Can you guess what it is? She is… (drumroll, please!)

EXPRESSIVE!

Being expressive is a WONDERFUL Superpower to have, once you know how to use it well. As she grew along with her expressive Superpower (and many other Superpower skills, too), school became way more fun. Of course she made lots of friends, and her teddy bear Lucy did, too. The neighbourhood kids played in the park together, with their toys, and then they grew into teenagers and still hung out.

Rita went to school for many years (earning degrees, medals, and lots of awards) to become a Registered Social Worker who specializes in children, She works here, at Kids Reconnect Her Feelings Detective/Feelings Helper job is super fun. Rita helps kids to express their feelings in safe, gentle ways. For example, she helps them discover things like how “no” doesn’t mean you are not important, and how sharing is not scary — it’s kind, and it’s what good friends do. With Rita, kids figure out tough, tricky feelings, and explore and grow their Superpowers.

So Rita, who was once in Terrible Trouble, now helps kids to feel all their feelings (no matter how big or tricky), express them in helpful, thoughtful ways, and use their Superpowers to grow and thrive.

“How lucky am I to have something
that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

— A. A. MILNE
The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh