Here are five ways in which you, as a parent, can emPOWER
healthy self-confidence in your child.
1. Be their reliable, safe haven of unconditional love.
Make sure your child feels loved and accepted for who they are, not just for their achievements.
A big goal, and easier said than done, for sure.
Superpower message: “I am loved, lovable, and safe.”
The overall parenting goal is for your child to feel unconditionally loved. Keeping this big goal in mind and close in your heart, the following are small, simple ways you can use every day to empower your child’s self-confidence.
2. Offer them reasonable choices.
Kids hear “no” a lot. They might be experiencing the helplessness of too much structure around them, or the confusion of not enough structure. When you offer reasonable, attractive alternatives that are appropriate for their age, preferences, and development, they get to experience an empowering sense of agency and clarity.
Superpower message: “I can explore different options and make good choices.”
3. Seize opportunities to fail in small ways.
Create a safe environment in which to fail. Allow small failures and model learning from them as positive traits.
The only way to never fail is to never try, and the best way to develop wisdom and resilience is by failing, falling, and getting up again. Frame small failures as opportunities to learn, on the way to big wins.
Compliment your kiddo’s courage for trying. Show them excitement about growing with curiosity and creativity about what might be done differently, what skills they could practice more, and then to try over and over again.
Superpower message: “I tried hard. Things didn’t work out this time but I am glad I tried! I can explore new ways to keep trying until I figure this out.”
4. Look for opportunities to practice and succeed.
You can offer more chances to practice skills they already have through activities they enjoy and to explore new experiences that use and grow their emerging Superpowers. Set small, achievable, incremental goals.
Use positive reinforcement to acknowledge and celebrate their big and small wins, as well as effort and perseverance.
Superpower message: “I have many skills and I love growing all of them. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s hard, but growing is fun.”
5. Encourage your child.
Encouragement builds courage
So encourage your child as much as you can. Encourage them to apply effort, to use their curiosity to explore and learn, and to persevere. Remind them of recent successes and how they overcame similar situations.
The courage to grow and use their Superpowers will build your child’s competence, confidence, and resilience.
The next time your child is up against a challenge or frustration, your voice will come up in their heart. What emPOWERing message do you want them to recall?
Superpower message: “I know I can try, explore, and succeed. For sure, I can figure things out. If things go wrong, I can safely check in with Mom or Dad for help or a hug. I know they are always there for me.”
Further reading
You’re still with us? Thank you for reading this far! You are doing a great job already, seeking to grow your parenting skills. We learn something new ever day, too. This blog post is based on attachment theory. Are you curious to learn more about attachment theory?
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth laid the foundation for understanding how early attachment influences child development. You can learn more about attachment theory by reading their many publications. Here is an article that explains their research partnership over 40 years, as well as their pioneering contributions to attachment theory:
Ainsworth, M. S., & Bowlby, J. (1991). An ethological approach to personality development. American Psychologist, 46(4), 333–341. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.46.4.333
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